Thursday, July 31, 2008

Good to the Last Drop

Womanist Musing's Renee guest posted information about a very intriguing commodity on Shakesville today. I'm sure that soon everyone, in addition to their Red Bulls, Rockstars, and Monsters, will be downing countless numbers of Pussies.

Isn't it a testament to our creative abilities as human beings that we can find the ingenuity to market a popular item like an energy drink under the crude pet name for a woman's vagina?

Created by a 21 year old who apparently was bored and mixing drinks in the middle of the night, Pussy has become an instant hit in Britain, and was featured in the British show "The F Word".

As delicious as I'm sure Pussy is, I wonder if anyone would be equally enthusiastic about drinking Testes (twice the flavor of other drinks) or Prick (Hard on energy).

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: other people can have the energies of red bulls, monsters, or rock stars, but I prefer to have Pussy energy.

Pussy is on sale for a mere £36.00 per case (24 cans) or £5.99 for a sample pack of 2 cans. With the current exchange rate, that's just $72 per case (just think of the savings)! Now you can be the misogynistic hit of any party. Just pop that virgin top, and drain. Then dispose of your useless Pussy in the nearest recyclable bin.

General fun for all, isn't it?

Let's Do the Timewarp Again

McCain's campaign has recently released videos accusing the media of being in love with Obama, and with good reason. Very rarely in this tempestuous season have the issues that McCain stands for or against been addressed -- even in his own speeches. Often in the CNN televised speeches given by McCain, he spends at least half of his time talking about his opponent's weaknesses...and not about what he believes or will do. I believe that McCain plans to win on a scare tactic: "Obama will bring more taxes, will not solve the economic crisis, and will continue our dependence on foreign oil".

Georgia Women Vote made the comment that McCain's website even is Obama central.

So to remind myself what McCain stands for, besides back lashing, I went to his campaign website and took a look.

One of the first things that caught my eye was his plan to repeal the decisions of Roe vs. Wade and return verdict to state level. His ultimate goal in abolishing abortion is outlined, containing quips like "the fight for life will be one of courage and compassion - the courage of a pregnant mother to bring her child into the world and the compassion of civil society to meet her needs and those of her newborn baby". The way he phrases it, it makes it sound as though society has forced these women to abort their pregnancies. One of his first tactics is to relieve individuals of responsibility and make it a philosophical fight rather than what it would be if abortion were made illegal again: a medical one.

His next issue outlined is adoption. While adoption is fantastic, I love the subtle hint to abortion, yet again, in his plan to " promote adoption as a first option for women struggling with a crisis pregnancy". The next time I meet someone who plans on having an abortion, I'm going to encourage them to call it a "crisis pregnancy".

McCain seems to encourage a time warp of sorts -- back into the time when contraception was illegal, when abortion was punishable by law, and when women had to go to back alleys or endanger themselves with coat hangers. By repealing Roe vs. Wade, we put an entire generation of work in danger, and we put ourselves in danger. We are already in the middle of a food shortage globally. We cannot afford another age of baby boomers. We cannot afford to continue on our path of abstinence only education. We cannot afford an age where condoms are not available, and STDs spread more quickly because people do not know how to protect themselves.

I encourage voter's to go to each candidates website, especially the three leading: Bob Barr, John McCain, and Barack Obama. Only by understanding the issues from each candidates perspective can we vote intelligently and bring ourselves forward, rather than backtracking into the past, or (what could be considered worse) continuing on the fruitless path we're on. Everyone needs to vote in November. Rights are endanger, and policies that are negative to the health of our country are being proposed.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Holy Memorabilia, Batman!

YES! Finally, someone for Adam West to play with! He's been wanting a nemesis for so long. You hear that, Adam? It's time for you to drag out your tights and cape, and stop the ever narcissistic Joker!

Los Angeles Times reports a man who apparently dressed up like the Joker and attempted to steal Batman memorabilia. One of the most intriguing parts of this particular crime caper is that Spencer "Joker" Taylor of Three Rivers, Michigan apparently does not have a phone listing in that area.

So we have a criminal who dresses like a clown who comes equipped with a mysterious background and youthful energy (did I mention he's twenty?). The only problem: Adam West will have a hard time bringing down the youthful Joker...or so one would think. Apparently Batman's greatest enemy was detained by theater employees.

One must remember that in Issue #47 Batman discovered the Joker's greatest fear: popcorn.

Say Cheese, Spence!

Picture Courtesy of Associated Press.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The "Mary-Go-Round"

Here's something interesting. Apparently a feminist gamer group is protesting a new game released by Sony: Fat Princess. Yahoo! News debates reveals the inner conflict.

Debuting at last week's E3 expo, the colorful Fat Princess is a capture-the-flag game with a twist: you can thwart capture attempts by locking the once-thin princess in a dungeon and stuffing her full of cake, thereby increasing her girth and making her harder for your enemies to haul back to home base.

Feminist Gamer's "Mighty Ponygirl" rings in diplomatically, suggesting a new way to play the game altogether.

"Instead of running out into the forest to find cake to fatten up the princess with, why not go out and find gold (which is a lot heavier than cake) to stuff into a treasure chest. The more gold in the chest, the heavier it would be, and the harder it would be to carry," she said, before adding, "Oh, but that's not as "cute" as cake and fat chicks. Right."

Over at Shakesville, however, writer Melissa McEwan cuts to the chase, telling Sony she's "positively thrilled to see such unyielding dedication to creating a new generation of fat-hating, heteronormative ---holes."

I tend to agree with my gaming sisters (what else is new?), but for other reasons. The game tends to be offensive because it proposes that a woman is a flag, which brings to mind the point in history where women were legally possessions. If Sony finds it hard to understand why the game offends feminists, I challenge them to replace the rotund female with a burly black man carrying gardening tools.

However, in defense of Sony, they are merely following the formula for best selling games. There are other games that are wildly popular and make it their business to be as offensive as possible. "Grand Theft Auto", for example. It is impossibly for any video game to be polite and agreeable to society. Video games are offensive simply by being video games. "Mario" is offensive to some people because they see the numerous mushrooms as referring to a drug subculture, and believe that those games are influencing their children to buy drugs. Some people might find Sonic offensive because Sonic's main goal is to gather coins as quickly as possible, thereby pushing forth the sin of greed.

It's not how the game is offensive, it's in what way the game attempts to be offensive. Sony's "Fat Princess" is a disgrace to the very idea of video-games, not because of it's slightly off-color message, but because of lack of originality. If you're going to be offensive, do it properly.

For instance, what if the object of the game was not to drive the princess into obesity, but to cure the princess of anorexia and rescue her from enemies that are rapists and obsessed with Twiggy? As most of us know, the purpose of capturing any princess is to disgrace her kingdom and to take advantage of her. And most of us also know that the market Sony is pushing the game towards finds people who are overweight unattractive. So, in making Fat Princess obese, her rescuers could lose interest in her, and attempt shove her off on their enemies. So the enemies wouldn't want her either, and her rescuers would have to make her skinnier to make her desirable again. All of this "off-and-on" attention would give the princess a complex and cause her to regain her eating disorder. Also the amount of sugar she took in would make her diabetic, and you would have to try and get your enemies to take the fat princess back before her extremities fell off. In the bonus level you could have an endless supply of insulin to keep her healthy.

Now you've made a game worth being offended over.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

We Will Not Be Moved

I have made my first protest video. I think it went rather well. Mostly, it's a protest of using religious grounds to harrass or belittle other people. But it also applies to all hate crimes, and is a warning that hatred is petty, stupid, and useless.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

A Priest, A Rabbi, and A Man Who Twists Comedy...

While surfing the 'Cartoons and Humor' section of the New York Times' website, an interesting story caught my eye. The full story can be found on Borowitz

Saying he is "sympathetic to late night comedians' struggle to find jokes
to make about me," Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) today issued a list of official
campaign-approved Barack Obama jokes.

The five jokes, which Sen. Obama said he is making available to all comedians free of charge, are as follows:

Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."

A traveling salesman knocks on the door of a farmhouse, and much to his surprise, Barack Obama answers the door. The salesman says, "I was expecting the farmer's daughter." Barack Obama replies, "She's not here. The farm was foreclosed on because of sub prime loans that are making a mockery of the American Dream."

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" Barack Obama replies, "His jockey just lost his health insurance, which should be the right of all Americans."

Q: What's black and white and red all over? Barack Obama: The New Yorker magazine, which should be embarrassed after publishing such a tasteless and offensive cover, which I reject and denounce.

A Christian, a Jew and Barack Obama are in a rowboat in the middle of the ocean. Barack Obama says, "This joke isn't going to work because there's no Muslim in this boat."

On one hand, I can see the humor in these policy jokes. It's refreshing to find a candidate who can make not-so-subtle jabs at comedians stunned reactions. On the other hand, they're not stunned for lack of material. They're stunned because so often this political season, jokes that are made in favor of a candidate are denounced as offensive, and jokes that are meant to be offensive are found humorous.

The best example of this is, of course, the infamous cover of the New Yorker. Personally, I found it funny. Why? Because the New Yorker was making fun of the absurd allegations put forth by emails, hate-mongers, and Fox News, in order to make the public realize how absurd their fear was. And I understand why the Obamas would be so upset. Some people who don't understand satire would view it more as a confirmation of their fears rather than a joke.

But the Obamas should have just said that. "We don't want our persons portrayed in that kind of negative light, linking us with Islamic terrorists". Instead, they said that it was "offensive to Muslim Americans".

No. It's not. Assuming that all Muslims are terrorists is offensive to Muslim Americans. Proposing that having an Islamic president would be a bad thing is offensive to Muslim Americans. A satirical cover making fun of fears based on nothing is not offensive to Muslim Americans.

And I would go off on how stupid the term Muslim American is (I don't insist on being catered to as a Christian American, and I've never heard my nephew assert his rights as an Atheist American), but that's an entirely different rant.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Mine Eyes Have Seen...Well, Not the Glory

If you thought the cover of the New Yorker was disturbing...well, then you have no appreciation for satire.
If you want to see how this race has become truly disturbing...

One seems to be the ravings a lunatic who has been reading a very warped version of the Bible. One seems to be a satirical site dedicated to making fun of the news. You get to pick which is which.
Oh, in case you're curious who is on the current suspect list for Anti-Christ.

  1. Patrick Stewart
  2. Jon Stewart
  3. Stewie Griffin
  4. Bono
  5. Bjork
  6. Cthulu
  7. Flying Speghetti Monster
  8. Some Satan-Possessed Dude
For more info, consult the Anti-Christ Watch.
And one more thing...



The above is a uncopyrighted picture and slogan found on the Obama Anti-Chirst blog. Some restrictions apply. Results may vary.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

She's a Witch! Burn Her!

As time grows closer and closer for me to go to college, my concerns increase over whether or not I will be able to find a church that fits my needs. After all, I am in the perfect church for me right now. But Athens will be a different theological ballpark, and I wish to choose wisely.
So while leafing through an informational brochure I was given during orientation about the campus churches provided, I noticed one dedicated to Baha'ism. I had no idea what that was, so I looked it up. And while I still have more reading to do on the theological principal of Baha'ism, I was distracted by a radical "doom-and-gloom" Christian site preaching the different theological evils that threaten to rip our souls from our spinal chords. And while I was reading about how Baha'is were demonic forces, I happened to notice a link to another social heresy.
Can you guess what it was?


On the Jeremiah Project's site, you can find out how every feminist leader has set forth an agenda to change the traditional Christian church to a New Age fellowship that worships the ancient goddess, how feminism is rooted in Satanism rather than the equality of the sexes, and how Christian women who advocate understanding and political/social equality really came from abusive homes, are equipped with weak wills/minds, and how women in the workforce are destroying American values and will eventually kill the country.
Yes. I'm a witch.
And with my Satan worshipping and magic brews, I will bring about the will of the goddess to smite the ignorance of this pseudo-Christian, who spreads hate and intolerance, rather than truth and Christ's love.
I'm sure that some of the people he has quoted, and some of the incidents he cites, have some sort of merit. I'm sure that in the Feminist movement there are radicals that wish for every woman to worship a goddess, or believe that patriarchal churches are indeed destroying women.
I also realize that, ironically, my anger over his intolerance is against the Christian doctrine. Which tells readers two things about me:
1) I am not perfect and need to continue my relationship with God.
2) I hate stupidity, which leads to number 1.

More than likely, I will be back later with more on the Jeremiah Project, right after I finish reading The Feminist Infiltration of the Church. Should be entertaining.