I'll Take That Bloody Slab of Fat with Some Bacon Please!!

I love reading columns. A well written, thought-out, and (in the right scenario) humorous column can cheer me up on the worst news day. And lately we've had several of those.
So while sorting through the news page on MSN, I stumbled upon this treasure. It entails a certain writer's experience with being a vegetarian, and (more-so than the meatlessness) the strange reactions he's received over the years.

In similar fashion, I have decided to disclose my past experimentation. Now, once I go to college, I plan fully to convert to leaf-eating. But as I live with my parents right now (born-and-raised deep Southern Baptist. The cow isn't sinful, but leaving it's fleshy carcass unchewed is) I wish to go without the normal conversation that revolves around whether humus or hamburger would win in a culinary competition.

Now, first let me give an expanation for my herbivore behavior. I have nothing against meat eaters. It has to happen. Hunting is fine, as long as you eat as much of the animal as possible. No hunting for sport. Want to eat a cow? Sure. Just kill it in a humane way. Same thing with all the other animals.

But me...well, I've lost my taste for meat. I start to chew it, and then the flavor suddenly falls. I suddenly think about how much better a Boca patty tastes. I blame this on the trip I took to the Holy Land when I was in third grade. You try seeing slabs of meat covered with flies hanging by Captain Hook's spare parts. Not pretty. And definently not sanitary.

And I have that flashback everytime my mom drags me past the meat department in the store. Besides that, the very concept of chewing on something else's carcass is disgusting. And do you know what a hotdog is made of? Do you know what jerky is? Gross...

But to each his own. However, that maxim is not exactly one that is frequently practiced in my home. So when my father found out that had gone sans meat for six weeks during my stay at the Governor's Honors Program, he nearly gave birth to the cow he aspired to eat. According to him, meat is God's gift to men, and if you don't eat it, you are a heretic and will go straight to hell.

I bet a Boca patty is tasty grilled over satanic fire.